Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Memory Merry Go Round

I'm not afraid to say things.  Self expression has never been a problem for me.  I just want to make sure I'm right then go ahead as Crockett would say.

I've been married twice and divorced twice.  Each was a different situation, with different players in the parts save for me.

My first exwife died last week.  Found out by way of her second ex who is a friend of my second ex's brother.  WTF lol.  Gotta laugh.

I was pretty much a kid back then.  I should have known better.  But hind sight is 20-20.

The point is the memories brought back.  Very little good except for our daughter, my current kid's half sister.

My first ex left a lot of the marriage to be done by me.  She shirked a great deal of her responsibilities.  Later, her older sister admitted my ex was a spoiled brat for whom too many things were done.  Sounds like our entitlement state huh?

The penultimate act of irresponsibility was leaving for a year, with her friend, another brat, to 'find' themselves.  They left their husbands and kids to find what?  I really have to restrain myself re comments.  How could someone do this?  Well many have and today we have so many kids products of the state's care.  It's no wonder there are street scums like the guys who jumped me.  i'll have something to say about them soon.

I raised our daughter alone for a year.  had a business travelled and managed a home .  Hmmmmm.

When she came back she demanded a divorce.  Judge gave her sole custody in the best interest of the child.  I was railroaded and was not even allowed to speak.

It tore me up. and my daughter and I have been alienated for the most part ever since.

When I married again, my wife and I opened our home to her.  She enjoyed it and even liked her kid brother, our son (future Marine pilot soon now -s-).

Then her Mom and her second hubby put the kabosh on it when she seemed to like it better than their place.  There is more to it, such as their sketchy lifestyle, frequent moves and unstable lives.  This included my daughter doing a lot of the work there, as I had done.  Good God.  She even had to care for her two little brothers in my ex's new 'home'.

I hope this is taken by any reading it well.  I'm not badmouthing, though it might be argued by some.  I am only telling the past as I experienced it.

My oldest daughter and I did well without her and would have continued to do so.  Would coulda shoulda come to mind.  Perhaps there was more I could do.  I can tell you the man I am today would NOT have let this lie.  Fortunately my now second ex and I actually had the kid's best interest at heart and we sought and received joint custody, all things uncontested.

Let's suffice it to say the fly by night lifestyle had its toll on my daughter.  Apparently it did to the second husband.  They divorced.  He was complicit in alienating my daughter, but claims no now.  Further, somewhat amusedly, my second ex told me he tried to brush off his doings to my daughter's manipulation!  It's a miasma that I am glad is not part of our lives.

Reasons for my second divorce are between my ex and me.  Our kids are fine and well motivated.

Who suffered the most from the misadventures of my oldest's mom?  My oldest of course.  It's sad we didn't have the relationship my son and daughter share with their parents.

Confused?  It could be, but I was at the eye of the storm, watching the franticness unfold.

Point is, a lot of people are on personal merry go rounds of disfunction.  Misery loves company.  i refued to play this game.

And yes with entitlement, it has damaged our Republic's infrastructure.

We must get off the merry go round, quit spinning, get our bearings and start anew.

Easy?  No.  Doable only with commitment and going in with eyes open.

As for my first ex, may she rest in peace.  I bear no ill will save to tell what had transpired.  I do so for weal or woe, with no apologies.  Personal lives go askew.  It adds up eventually to a whole country doing so.

Again, let us bit by bit get back what is lost and don't let past mistakes rule us so that we are doomed to repeat them.

Responsibility demands that we do so


teacher said...

Sorry son.

Anonymous said...

So many exs so little time.

equity said...

The system sucked for noncustodials and still does to a great extent.

kava said...

I'm sure you tried.

Mike H said...

I did. It broke my heart. Our lives would have been different if she had continued to be with me. I won't let this grind me down. It's done. I won't be bitter either. But I'm not afraid to tell the truth
There is a lot of stigma still for noncustodial parents. I was made to feel low, abused by the system, my ex and her family.
I'm still here better than ever!
My oldest is married with 2 of her own. I hope they do well.