Denial

It is a slow poison. A very pervasive poison. It blinds many to a path right off a cliff.

It is the stuff of fabled addictions. Whatever one's view regarding same, when there is a problem and it is ignored, well now, it becomes worse. Denial is the clutter of the mind.

I've witnessed it firsthand, in prep for counseling/ministry previously. But also personally, amongst friends and family.

It is absolutely astonishing how people can overlook horrible disfunction and muddle on. They isolate the problem. Even if they acknowledge whatever caused a problem, they tend to rationalize, not in the sense of bringing reason but delivering plausible yet untrue explanations for their conduct. It is safer to hide than to face.

Lying to oneself, just like any kind of lie, gets easier the more it's done. Abuse corrodes judgment. In cycle, it seems like a ripple effect, reaching out to say children of an alcoholic, then from them to whomever they touch and right back to the original abuser.

Say a guy beats the hell out of his wife and oldest daughter. Unimaginable events like holding a gun to the wife's head and making her talk to his hooker friend. Or knocking his daughter's head repeatedly against walls til she develops a brain tumor. Add other events then flash ahead decades.

He now denys his role in the abuse. Some could claim the self abuse with booze damaged his memory. I don't think so. He conveniently 'forgets' his savaging a marriage and family. What is left is the aftermath.

The aftermath includes defensive reaction on the part of those he abused. Though they may admit there was abuse, they deal with it poorly. They develop their own manipulative ways, seeking to control others due to lack of self. That includes blaming others, starting projects etc and not finishing them, tricking others into enabling dependency, particularly depending on others to manage their lives instead of doing it themselves. A generation of spoiled self indulgent brats develops. They carry on, blithely resistant to criticism. They build intricate defenses to ensure the disfunctional behavior perpetuates.

When one is exposed to this situation, one should simply apply the truth. It hurts. The scorn and well, abuse is great. In a furor to maintain the aforesaid defenses, the family members spare no emotional expense, nor psychological twists to demonize the person attempting to get them to face themselves. Then in a strange twist, after any admission of problems, they try to isolate and minimalize.

Applying the truth is not easy, though I did say it was to be simply applied. One must face oneself, otherwise anything else could be one's own denial kicking in. Then, be consistent, don't retreat and face the conundrum even when others don't.

If one's own kids are present, do everything to protect them and be just as honest. Reach out for help. Not just people taking sides, but seek professional guidance/advice. Knowing you are not alone is vital. One can't play doctor, that is fatal on many levels.

If necessary, make sure you and your kids are safe, even to the extent of retreating from the people who would try to 'pull you in'. Misery loves company. Don't buy it. Search out health and happiness for yourself and those you defend. Be true to yourself. And remember, you can NOT solve other folks problems. They must be brought to the point where they have the ability to discover answers. That last is the core of counseling.

Again, I urge any who read this in such a situation to remember that you can't be anyone's psychological 'chief cook and bottle washer'. Do what you can and then if there is no other choice, GO. Physician, heal thyself. Get right and go on. find others who do the same.

Denial applies to our endangered Constitutional Republic. So many want others to solve their problems. Maybe they want their rent paid. Perhaps they want to be taken by the hand and given rather than earning themselves. Mind you, there might be a need to jump start lives. But teaching someone to fish gives them the skill to feed themselves. Whether they do or not is up to them. Educate, then set free for weal or woe.

In the midst of the deterioration, there are those who claim 'it's not so bad' or 'it could be worse'. How frigging worse must it get? It won't get better by itself. Do whatever part you can to MAKE it better.

That facing self and others as they/we truly are is the key. Easy? Absolutely not. But the Founders knew we must.

Given a Republic, it is up to us to keep it.