Thursday, April 14, 2011


So I'm divorced. Life goes on. And so does the matchmaking.

I'm fortunate that I'm not deluged with remarks like 'Oh my wife has a friend', my sister just got divorced, 'we know a great gal', etc. Thanks but no thanks. When the time comes for dating etc, I make that decision for myself.

It's as though people think you must be lonely and just can't bear being 'alone'. Alone is not lonely to me. It is being on my own.

It might be in part 'misery loves company', but not always. I think people honestly believe others can't get on with life save for a partner.

That may be true for some, such as an elderly person who has had a lengthy relationship and feels truly lost. This I understand. but some of us are not wired that way.

I prefer being alone. After 20 years, I have looked forward to living alone save for the kids, thpugh my son is 21 and daughter nearly 16.

And yes, I have been a yenta, ie someone who matchmakes, when It comes to the kids, but not seriously. They are both capable of making independent choices. If they seek my advice, I will give it. And yes, I give advice, admittedly whether always asked or not. It depends how one does that. Using a hammer or a key makes a difference.

It's a matter of trust. I trust my kids. they trust me. So we have some give and take.

And as well intentioned as it may be, please trust me. I make up my own mind when it comes to relationships.

And after the misadventures of my previous marriage, I like living on my own. It's very good for her too. That's divorce. Leave me alone and I leave you alone.

I need my space, man -s-.


teacher said...

What is normal anyway?

Mike H said...

There are norms and there are variables. Not wishy washy. Some things are set, most are flexible.

Mike H said...

And, no, I'm not toxic to someone elses marriage. If they aren't secure they shouldn't blame others if they get rocky.